December 2011
99 posts
2 tags
“I think your life is paint and you create on your given canvas. I think people...”
– Stephen Elliott’s Rumpus emails are the highlights of my day
2 tags
1 tag
5 tags
Driving To The Drive Soundtrack Analysis
9:15 PM on the highway
Awesome
Definitely on the verge of turning into Ryan Gosling
Could totally bang a quick u-ie in the middle of the highway without a scratch
12:09 PM on empty back roads
Terrifying
Almost piss pants when a car comes out of no where
Convinced car is going to murder you
Speed about 30 mph over the limit
Run home, lock every door, crawl into a blanket, cry
3 tags
Two people unfollowed me after that Thoreau joke.
Some people just don’t appreciate the craftsmanship that goes into a Thoreau-away pun.
3 tags
3 tags
The best part about suburbia is the quiet and...
Too bad your sister is constantly blasting PUNK POP METAL from her room RIGHT NEXT TO YOURS.
1 tag
I saw a picture of NYC city today
Instead of shouting, “YOU DUMB MISERABLE PEOPLE YOU KNOW NOTHING OF THIS PAINFUL CITY, THERE IS NO JOY, THERE IS NO LIGHT,” like I usually do, I smiled. Oh, distance does make the heart grow fonder.
“Never lose or let anyone take away that spirit that drives you to be an...”
– My father wrote me a letter before I left for college a year and a half ago. I read it in my dorm room the night I moved in and cried. I’ve always loved this bit. I think it’s good advice, for anyone who needs a reminder that sometimes these basic ideas are truths that should be striven...
1 tag
So you know when you're in a cold dressing room...
I imagine the panic and helplessness of that situation is a lot like what that guy was feeling in 127 Hours.
6 tags
“The lines in the Mountain Goats’ songs are always cut short of a full...”
– Maurice Burford, Albums of Our Lives: The Mountain Goat’s The Coroner’s Gambit
I keep re-reading this article because I generally hate music critics and writing about music, but I love music, and I love reading people write about music they love and what it means to them, not what they...
1 tag
I like when the local news commercials try to make...
They’re just like family. The family that barges in every night and won’t shut up about murders and robberies and food recalls and drive everyone else to drink.
2 tags
Sometimes I save my weekend...
Vaguely considering going to bed in my clothes as well because I don’t feel like walking two feet to change into pajamas.
1 tag
“That’s what optimistic means, you know. It means stupid. An optimist is somebody...”
– Louis C.K. (via narrationbymorganfreeman)
1 tag
Clear Eyes, Full Hearts, CAN'T LOSE
I had a huge prejudice against Friday Night Lights because why would I want to watch a show about football, never mind highschool football. We visit South Carolina every year around the end of August which is right when all the southern high schools start school, and you’d turn on the news and there would be footage of high school football. As if high school football means ANYTHING to...
1 tag
2 tags
I went to my aunt's house for a family Christmas...
My mother made her taco dip that I’m pretty sure is made of liquid Jesus and I honestly ate about half the tray in front of my family. From the looks I was getting, I think they would have judged me less if I came in shooting up heroin and refused to say anything other than the word “supercilious” over and over again.
1 tag
My sister is like, listening to pop punk metal?
I have no idea what’s going on on the other side of the wall. It’s like Underoath met Panic! At the Disco.
Loving the Weight Watchers for Men commercial
“Lose weight, like a MAN! Only pussy women want to lose weight! You have to lose weight in a MANLY way, with a black background and lots of EMPHASIS on MANLY MAN words. PIZZA!”
Some dumb shit.
tylercoates:
My grandmother walked in the door on Friday night. My uncle and aunt (my mother’s brother and his wife) immediately started chatting with her, wishing her a Merry Christmas and whatnot. I walked into the formal living room to the make-shift bar my mother had assembled out of four varieties of whiskey sitting on a card table in order to prepare for another family Christmas party that...
1 tag
1 tag
The water pressure in the shower at home is...
It’s like I’m being sandblasted clean
1 tag
2 tags
Merry Christmas
I know I should be listing the things I’m grateful for this Christmas and being a stellar person and thinking of those more unfortunate than myself, but I’m mostly pissed I’m not home, and pissed that I’m working, and fucking sad. I miss my Dad.
Merry Christmas Dad, I wish you were here to give me ridiculously utilitarian gifts for Christmas, like a car safety pack with...
4 tags
5 tags
“You have to eat and keep going. Eating is a small, good thing in a time like...”
– Raymond Carver, A Small Good Thing
1 tag
Open new jar of salsa
Run out of chips.
Have nervous breakdown.
My Top 5 Artists (Week Ending 2011-12-18) →
Drake (54)
Andrew Bird (30)
blink-182 (28)
Cut Copy (25)
Cœur de Pirate (24)
Imported from Last.fm Tumblr by JoeLaz
1 tag
How I Imagine My Work Schedules Are Made
Manager: -cackles quietly to self-
Manager: How can I piss her off this week?
Manager: Oh she asked off for this day 3 weeks in advance? Let's make her work anyway!
Manager: Oh I see for the week of Christmas I've had this schedule made for a month, and made her work Christmas Eve and Christmas day
Manager: Let's fuck with her some more and randomly add a shift 4 days before!
Manager: It's not like she would have planned a dentist appointment and family plans around the schedule I posted a month ahead of time!
Manager: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA
3 tags
1 tag
“Hmm, tough choice. Eating, or mating?”
– Planet Earth narrator lady gets me.
“The fight was tough but the penguin had more to lose.”
– Replacing my roommates with Planet Earth narration. Learning all sorts of new things about penguins
4 tags
Alone and it feels so good
I have a day off from class since the semester ended and work because work still thinks I have class (~*~suckazzz~*~) and everyone who doesn’t have a shitty job that doesn’t make them work on Christmas day has fled the city, so I decided today will be Colleen Goes Back To Being An Antisocial Grandma. My general goal is to not have to socialize with people. I’ve had to socialize...
2 tags
Every girl at my work has a boyfriend.
I have never been around so many girls with boyfriends. The only single ones are me and the lesbian. And half of them live with their boyfriends. Like, am I the only one who thinks it’s a terrible idea to move in with their boyfriend at 19? Anyone?
My manager told me I should dress up more at work so I could get someone ._________.
1 tag
1 tag
1 tag
Whenever anyone owes me money now I go up to them...
So I don’t have friends anymore.
1 tag
narrationbymorganfreeman replied to your photo: Dongsalad802 just followed me on twitter.
waiter, there’s a fly in my dong salad.
I’m not replying to this I just wanted everyone else to also spit their Vanilla Sleepytime tea onto their macbook
4 tags
1 tag
Some kid just said the American civil war was...
Yes of course, over sugar in the Phillipines and headed by Winston Churchill and General Patton
2 tags
Every student presentation
“Uhh uh yeah so this is uh um hold on um -long pause- yeah so uh yeah.”
How to Successfully Be a Working College Student
Go to work all day Friday
Friday night throw a birthday/holiday party for your roommate
Make it no pants themed- have everyone wear holiday boxers
Get trashed
Go to bed at 3am after talking about Lord of the Rings with your roommates hip friend for 3 hours
Turn off your alarm by accident when checking to make sure it’s on
Wake up at 8:30am
Realize 8:30am is exactly when your shift...
2 tags
1 tag
2 tags
What if the whole time Kim Jong II was telling...